


Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Mo

by Rose_Thorns



Category: Misfits (TV 2009), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: 8 years before the apocalypse, Diego the probation officer, Eventual Smut, Klaus is Nathan, M/M, Porn With Plot, Smut, future Simon doesn't exist
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 18:34:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18371753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_Thorns/pseuds/Rose_Thorns
Summary: Diego Hargreeves is twenty-one and just realizing that vigilante work doesn't pay the bills. Surely being a probation officer can't be that bad? Nathan is a beautiful bastard just realizing his power and Diego doesn't know what to do. Should he talk to him about being one of the 43? Should he leave it alone? Should he fuck him senseless until they're both a moaning mess?Aka two dumbasses trying to swallow their pride so they can be gay together.





	1. Chapter 1

This was Diego's first day working as a probation officer. It wasn't going to be as fun as his vigilante work, but that didn't really pay the bills. And Diego could only ask for another week to get money so many times before he got kicked out. He supposed it could be interesting, and at least he would be helping these kids. He understood the positions they were in. Hell, he was just like them. Escaping from the Hargreeves residence, he went around doing dumb shit constantly. The only difference was that he never got caught.

Diego cracked his knuckles as he sat at his desk. He felt anxious without his knives. Damn government doesn't trust people with weapons, especially around juvenile delinquents. He seriously considered hiding a small one with him, but Diego didn't want to get into trouble on his first day. He was smarter than that.

The kids seemed okay. They probably weren't at their normal state, considering that there was a kid, Nathan, who had died. Diego knew this would be a bit chaotic, but nothing he couldn't handle. He worried about how he was their third probation officer. The other two had only been there for such a short period of time. Shaking his head, Diego got up to go check up on the others. Make sure they weren't causing any trouble.

"Yeah, so my mum opens the door and she's like 'Ahhhh!', and I'm like 'I'm immortal!' And then she fainted. Face plants on the radio and there's blood and teeth everywhere."

"Is she alright?" Diego's steps falter for a second when he overhears the conversation. Immortal?

"Yeah, yeah, she's fine, she's fine. Apart from the whole . . ." The boy motions with his hand. "Face. Kinda put a downer on the whole thing."

"How did you explain it to your dad?"

"I told him I faked my own death as part of an elaborate insurance scam. He was not a happy man."

Diego walked into the locker room, up to the curly-haired boy who was talking. He didn't recognize him from this morning, when he introduced himself to the group. The kid must've been late. No way Diego could forget a face like that. A curly-haired, cocky, Irish boy would've stuck in his mind. Especially with how good-looking he was.

"Who are you?" Diego asked, blinking at the boy. The kid was definitely cocky, looking Diego up and down before answering.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said, smirking as he looked around at the group.

"I'm your probation officer." Diego said flatly. The man already knew he was going to be a troublemaker. The way the kid carried himself, with too much confidence. A jokester, looking to the others to get a reaction from them. He was most definitely going to get on Diego's nerves. He was an interesting character, that's for sure.

The kid stared at him for a bit, raising his eyebrows. Diego resisted the urge to smirk at the boy. His confidence had wavered when he heard that Diego was his new probation officer. This boy may have gotten away with stuff before, but Diego wasn't going to let him talk to him like that. Diego was never one to back down from a fight.

"Oh." The boy offered his hand out in greetings at he recovered, flashing a smile at Diego. "Nathan. Nathan Young."

Diego glanced down at Nathan's outstretched hand before looking back up. He couldn't help but stand there for a few seconds in disbelief.

"They told me you were dead."

"Really?" The boy asked, retracting his hand to check the pulse on his neck. He looked around dramatically. "Apparently not. Could a dead man do this?"

Diego watched as Nathan began to dance - if you could even call it that. It was almost entertaining, but Diego wasn't up for this nonsense today. Someone coming back from the dead? Bullshit. Unless . . . He was one of the 43. It was such a slim chance, though. He probably just went and faked his death. But if he was one of the kids . . . Diego needed to talk to him.

"Jesus!"

Of course, Nathan had bumped into an open locker door. One of the girls, Alyssa, maybe, giggled. The others looked annoyed. This was obviously going to be an everyday occurrence.

"Okay," Diego mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Come with me. I need to go put you back in the system."

"Hold on, what? Are you saying I was out of the system? I was a free man? That if I didn't show up here, no one would go looking for me?"

"We thought you were dead." Diego turned to face the boy, shrugging a bit. What did he expect to happen? The same girl started giggling again, as Nathan's expression turned to one of anger. Diego huffed, trying to hide a smile at the boy's exaggerated actions. "Come on."

Diego made sure Nathan started walking before he turned to head to his office. His head was swirling with all of the new information he just received. This kid - Nathan - came back from the dead and is supposedly immortal. Said kid is an annoying bastard, but he was absolutely gorgeous. Beautiful bastard.

"So, you want me all for your own, huh?" Nathan wiggled his eyebrows and swiveled his hips in an attempt to be seductive as Diego opened the door to his office. "Wouldn't have taken you for a gay, but to each their own."

"Wouldn't have taken you to be gay, either." Diego immediately regretted the words as soon as they came out of his mouth. He motioned for Nathan to sit down, hoping the kid didn't hear him.

"Oh, ho! Don't you try to push your gay shit on me. That's your problem to deal with. You're probably into kinky shit, too. Judging from those weird scars ya got."

Diego pursed his lips as he sat down in his chair. He knew he shouldn't say anything. Saying things will make it worse. It'll only fuel him.

"It takes one to know one." Diego didn't look for a reaction as he got onto his computer. It shouldn't be that hard to put him back into the system. While he was at it, he should check his birth date. Just to make sure.

"You're a real sick bastard, ya know? Preying on an innocent, young man." Nathan dragged his words out and Diego could see him draping himself across the couch from the corner of his eye.

"I'm not preying on anyone. And you're probably the same age as me."

"Oh?" Diego turned to see Nathan tilt his head in curiosity. "How old are you?"

"Twenty-one."

"You're just saying that because you already know my age. You have my files!"

"Actually," Diego says, turning fully to face the boy. "I don't, but I'm planning on looking it up." Nathan glared at Diego.

"October first."

"What?"

"That's my birthday, dumbass!"

Diego narrowed his eyes at the boy. He couldn't believe it. Maybe it was just a coincidence. Diego continued to say that to himself, even though he knew the truth. Nathan has to be one of the 43 kids.

"Nathan, I . . ." Diego's fingers twitched, wishing he had a knife to keep them occupied. He didn't know how to approach this. Especially with this guy. Who knows what he might do. Maybe it's best to just keep it a secret.

"What? As much as I'd love to stay and chat, I have things I need to do."

Diego couldn't help but roll his eyes. Before he could come up with a response, a group of people started entering the building. Diego cursed under his breath, leading Nathan back to the group.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *SMUT WARNING*  
> It's porn with plot, y'all, cause I'm a horny dumbass. enjoy, and thank you all so much for the kudos and comments!

"Just be nice to them, okay? Casual conversation, help them out if they need it." Diego instructed the group. They were doing painting with some people from a mental hospital. He could already tell this was going to be a long day. 

"Trust me, there isn't nothing we can do to help that." Alisha scoffed, looking at a lady who was trying to figure out which side of the easel goes on the floor.

"Try to be respectful."

"They're mentals!" Nathan exclaimed, causing a few people to look their way.

"Hush," Diego said, lightly hitting the boy on the back of his head. "Don't draw attention to yourself. I know it might be a challenge, but you don't need to piss off anyone here. 'Kay?"

Nathan grumbled along with the rest of the group, but they all started moving. Diego prayed to whatever God there was that they didn't get in a fight. He decided to keep an eye on Nathan, as he seemed to be the most irresponsible. Also, he wasn't bad on the eyes.

Nathan. What was Diego going to do about him? He definitely needed to talk to him. Who knows what powers he has and what he planned on doing with them. Diego sighed, watching as Nathan started talking to a pretty lady. Stupid kid, thinking he's a ladies man. He was just an annoying bastard. A pretty, annoying bastard.

"Ugh," Diego muttered as the lady hissed at Nathan like some sort of feral cat. He quickly made his way over there, taking Nathan by the arm. "Come on. This is what you get for trying to talk to women."

"What?" Nathan looked at Diego with surprise and possibly a bit of fear. Diego couldn't blame him, though. If some random lady started hissing at him, who knows what he would do. "Did you see that? She fuckin' hissed at me! Like a cat!"

"Keep your voice down. You don't want her to come and attack you," Diego joked, letting go of Nathan as they got to the edge of the room.

"She's fucking mental! I was just tryna ask her if she ever had a nice shagging-"

"Problem number one." Diego interrupted the boy.

"And if she wanted one," Nathan continued, as if he hadn't gotten interrupted. Diego stared at the boy, spacing off as he looked into his eyes. They were a stunning green color, filled with emotion and sparkling from the light. His lips were plump and Diego briefly wondered what they would look like around his cock. "Ya know, I'm probably the best shag anyone'll ever have. People are just too scared to be with me because it'll ruin sex for them. Cause they'll never get a better-"

"Go clean up the supplies," Diego stated as he turned away. He needed to get back to his office. Do some work to distract him from imagining that beautiful boy sucking him off. Still trying to run that mouth of his even though it was full from Diego's dick. Diego groaned in frustration, closing and locking the door as he sat down in his chair. It wasn't like he could pull one out here; there were windows all around his office. Anyone could see him if they walked by. The thought made Diego's cock twitch and he rubbed his face with both hands.

"Just do some work. This is your first day. You got this," Diego muttered, although he definitely didn't have this.

\- - -

Diego blinked slowly, willing his body to wake up. Wake up! Diego shot his head up, cursing as he checked the time. Almost nine. When had he fallen asleep? How come no one said anything? Shit, were those idiots up to something?

"Fuuuuuck." It was too late for this, considering he hadn't gotten any sleep last night. Diego shut off his computer before gathering his stuff. Hopefully no one noticed. All he had to do was get out and lock the building. No one would know. He could just walk back to his apartment and lay down in his comfy bed, sleeping for as long as he wanted. It was the weekend and that meant no work for him. He could do whatever he wanted to.

An image of curly-haired Nathan smirking up at Diego made the man's fingers twitch anxiously. God, Diego had known that kid for one day and he was already the center of his attention. Diego turned the corner, heading to the exit, when he heard a noise. No, more like a groan. Shaking his head, Diego continued. He must be hearing things. No one else was in the building-

"Ah, fuck!"

Diego whipped his head around at the moan of an Irish man. Nathan. Of course. What the hell was he doing? Having sex? Diego chuckled, thinking about how lame it would be to have sex in a community center. Hey, pretty baby, come fuck me in the community center. It'll be the best time of your life! Ha!

"What the fuck?"

"Shit," Diego mumbled. He must've been too loud. Maybe if he's quiet, Nathan will ignore it. Diego slowly headed towards Nathan's voice, to see if he could get a better look. There wasn't any other person that Diego could hear. So was this kid seriously jerking off in the community center? Didn't he have his own home to go to?

"Hello? Come out, ya sick bastard!" Diego bit his lip, trying to suppress a laugh at the sound of Nathan's voice. "I don't take kindly to peeping toms."

The kid was laying on a bare mattress on the ground, naked with a leaking cock. Diego's heart rate went up as he watched Nathan slowly stroke his own dick, unaware that Diego was watching. Nathan's left hand supported his body as he leaned up, watching himself jack off. The boy let out a disgustingly hot moan, letting his head fall back as his pace fastened. Diego's hand went straight to his pants, palming his already hard dick.

"F-fuck," Diego whispered, watching as Nathan's hips jerked up. Nathan let out another moan, glancing at where Diego stood. Diego thought they he should probably stop before he gets caught, but he had Nathan right in front of him. Sprawled out and moaning, practically begging to be fucked.

A low moan escaped Diego's lips and he gave in to temperation, sliding his pants and underwear down so that his cock was free. He immediately started fucking his hand, watching as Nathan ran a finger over the tip of his dick. The boy was so beautiful and Diego wanted to see him completely destroyed. A crying, begging mess underneath him as he pounded his cock into Nathan's ass.

"Ahh, I'm not gonna last much - Fuck! Longer," Nathan groaned, all but panting as he slowed his pace. Diego watched in confusion. Why was he slowing down? Diego tried to match the boy's pace, watching intently. Nathan's free hand went flying to his head, grabbing hold of his curly hair. They both let out a moan, Nathan's other hand muffling it. The kid was biting on his fingers, his hips jerking up erratically in search of friction. Nathan slowly took his hand out of his mouth, blinking a few times and Diego thought he saw a couple tears leak out.

"Edging, huh," Diego murmured, watching Nathan's chest heave as he tried to ignore his leaking dick.

"Yeah, try it sometimes." Diego's hand stopped as he cursed. Nathan just turned his head to look at him, a goofy smile on his lips. "Kinky bastard. Get your ass over here."

Diego hesitated, but gave in when he saw Nathan flutter his eyelashes and stare at him with a pout. Pulling up his pants, Diego walked over, mouth dry at the sight before him. Nathan was a sweaty mess. His legs were spread out, showing off his hard on. His hair was disheveled and his pink lips were open slightly as Nathan breathed. Diego's fingers twitched, trying to hold back. He wanted to fuck this kid senseless. Hell, he needed to.

"This is a bad idea," Diego whispered, standing over Nathan. The bastard just smirked at him, wiggling his eyebrows ridiculously. Diego couldn't help but laugh.

"Don't laugh!" Nathan sat up, his hands on either side of Diego to steady him as he got on his knees.

"Or what?" Diego looked down at him, running a hand through his hair and lightly tugging.

"Ohh." Diego's smile grew wider at the moan, pulling Nathan up to his feet by his hair. "Ahh, shit, man."

Nathan stared at Diego with wide eyes, panting. Diego let go of his hair, quickly taking off his own shirt before running his hands down Nathan's chest.

"You sure about this?" Diego wanted to make sure Nathan wanted this. He had to have consent. Nathan nodded, pulling Diego forward so that their lips met. It wasn't the best of kisses, Diego thought, but he wasn't about to complain. He ran a hand through Nathan's hair, pulling his head back. "Wouldn't have taken you to be gay," Diego whispered into his ear, remembering their previous conversation.

"I prefer women, but ya aren't bad looking." Nathan looked at him through half-lidded eyes, a smug smile on his face. Diego had an urge to wipe that grin off of his face, tugging on Nathan's hair hard. "Ah- Ahh, fuck, please."

"Bastard. Tell me what you want."

"Hnng, please, my cock- fuck me, so fucking hard, choke me," Nathan moaned. Diego complied, putting a hand on the boy's throat and cutting off his airway. Nathan's eyes widened and his mouth opened, the ends quirking up as Diego tightened his grip.

"So desperate, hmm? Such a horny slut for me. You dirty whore." Diego's voice was low, almost a growl as he spoke to Nathan. His brain was going fucking haywire at the sight of Nathan, plump lips open in an 'o' as Diego teased the boy's cock. Diego let go of the boy's throat, supporting Nathan's head with a hand on the back of his neck as he heaved in air. "Lube?"

"N-no," Nathan breathed, staring up at Diego with beautiful eyes. "Just, please . . . Suck me off, God, please."

"Mm, you want it that bad? Begging me to get you off? Little bastard." Diego leaned down, growling into Nathan's ear. The boy let out a loud moan, shaking hands gripping Diego's shoulders. Diego slipped out of his pants, sitting down on the mattress. Nathan just stared, hips desperately humping the air. "You're gonna have to show me how much you want it."

Nathan nodded, already leaning down and putting Diego's tip in his mouth. The man moaned, putting a hand in Nathan's hair to guide him down. Diego knew he wouldn't last long. The hot, wetness of Nathan's mouth enveloped his cock. He pushed the boy's head down lightly, seeing if he could take his whole dick. Nathan gagged, the vibrations of his throat feeling like heaven. The boy pulled away much too soon, saliva covering his chin as he looked up. Diego wiped Nathan's face, rubbing his thumb lightly on his cheek.

"You okay? Too much?"

"Been . . . A while," Nathan breathed. Diego's eyebrow went up, a smirk on his lips.

"Kinky bitch. Get up, you pathetic whore." Another moan from Nathan.

Diego's eyes raked over the boy's naked body greedily, causing Nathan to whine with impatience. Diego hushed him, putting a hand on his dick as he leaned in to kiss him. Nathan pulled away, moans steadily escaping his lips as Diego roughly jerked him off.

"Close, ah, fuck," Nathan all but yelled. Diego sped up, running a finger over the slit as he muttered disgusting words into Nathan's ear. "Fuck, fuck, please, ah, ahhh!"

That's all it took for both of them to cum, Nathan letting out a silent scream as he orgasmed. Diego bit down on the boy's shoulder, hips stuttering as he came all over Nathan's chest. It took them both a minute to come down from their high, Diego letting his body fall next to Nathan's. The room was silent except for their breathing.

"I-i should go," Diego muttered, hurriedly throwing on his clothes. He glanced back at Nathan, who laid on his side. "We don't speak of this."

Nathan nodded and that was all Diego needed. He got up and left the building, heading to his apartment.

"You've fucked up now," was all Diego could mutter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey y'all  
> I decided to end this story here. I might explore this plot more though, but this is just a one-shot ^-^


End file.
